What dick are you getting?

1. MISERABLE DICK:
When the guy is extremely handsome, he says the right things and does the right things. When it comes to sex, he is lacking in that department. He sucks your tits too damn hard, kisses your mouth too long, stays around your neck forever, fingers you like a gym doctor, licks your pussy like he's trying to lick melting ice cream off his sleeve and has a verrrry small dick. You try to give him some head (oral sex), only to find that you are actually sucking idummy yomntana. This is so miserable. You think, "how can a guy so fine, so polite be so wack?" To top everything off ladies, how about just when in your mind you're going to try to get the best out of this, even if you have to make yourself come, and he beats you to it and comes first. Damn!!

2. TOLERABLE DICK:
This is funny dick. He eats MAJOR pussy. He eats it so good your knees feel a little weak. Its good enough to make you shed a tear. Then he puts his dick in, just for you to realize that you cannot really feel it!! His stroke is off and non-rhythmic. You work with it by riding on it yourself as if you were in a Wild Wild West Movie. You hold your pelvis really tight and try to visualize the last big dick you had, just to get your mind off this 1less-filling2 dick. It's funny because in the man's mind he'll say that we just have big pussies from having too much sex and that is why we cannot feel him. Only for them to forget that the pussy is a muscle that accommodates the size of the penis.

3. INTERNET DICK:
Well, how would we define this type of dick girls? You see, online they have a lot of good game, but you never know what to expect in person. Then you meet and you fuck and the shit is trash. They have such good game that you're expecting him to take your panties off with his teeth, but HE COULD NOT MAKE YOU CUM!!!

4. OVERWHELMED DICK:
I believe this is dick we ladies all can testify to. Whoa! This is the type of dick you misjudged. You saw some signs of weakness in this man. He always caters to you and really does not discuss what he can do in bed with you. When kissing him, you notice you make his knees weak. You hold out on giving him some and tease him for a while. You know what size dick he has because you have either:
a) Already given him a mean ass blowjob or
b) Stroked it while he was wearing pants or boxers.
c) Or seen him in his swim wear: wet.
So, you thought in your mind, "I am going to put it on him" only to find he laid the "SMACK DOWN" on your pussy. He had you in a figure eight, twisted to the point where you can't breath. You were so overwhelmed that you could not even speak. Your whole pre-calculated fuck was down the drain. He had more game than you. He's like an energizer bunny that keeps going and going. Now you look at him in a different light: you think twice about fucking him because you're scared, but its good enough to do again.

5. PUNISHING DICK:
Now this is the DICK that pisses me off the most. You see, the guy you're sleeping with punishes your pussy. If he has a bad day at work, he "punishes your pussy." If he has a bad meal, "he punishes your pussy." If he is pissed off at you, he "punishes your pussy..." No matter what, he "punishes your pussy." It is easy to tell if the guy you're with falls into this category. He always uses phrases like these when he is fucking you:
"Andithi ubuthe uyayi funa?!."
"How does that feel... you like that baby?
"TELL ME YOU LOVE THIS DICK."
"WHAT'S MY NAME"?
"WHO'S Pussy IS THIS"?
"I DON'T HEAR YOU TALKING SHIT NOW!" and finally,
"YOU LIKE IT WHEN DADDY GET IN THIS PUSSY, UYATHANDA UBETHWA!"

6. GUILTY DICK:
Ladies who have cheated on their man temporarily can say, "AMEN" to this type of dick. Ladies, this is the type of dick that makes you cry and confess to your man you fucked someone else. The guilty dick made you want to tell somebody. Guilty dick is in a class of its own. Guilty dick will make you look and feel different about the DICK you get at home. Guilty dick makes you have multiple orgasms in 1 hour. It makes you cry and you have no clue why. This dick is so intense; when it is being administered it sends you into a trance, you start speaking in tongues, you forget his name, even your own: hew!... He has a slow, loooong stroke, sweats on you, asks you if you're comfortable with how he s sexing you:. about six times, you started at 6 p.m. and it is now going on 9 p.m.. and he is not tired and hasn't come yet and the lips on your pussy get swollen and juicer. He licks on your pussy as if he was a kitten licking warm milk, uyayi nambitha, like you're the main course meal. He smells it like fine wine. By now you're in shock and forget about your man. He has at least 10cm more than your man. When you're back with your man, you're wondering why he can't perform like guilty dick. You even have the nerve to get mad and then instruct him to do what Guilty dick did to you.

7. PLEASURABLE DICK:
This is good convenient dick. Easy dick. Dick you can call when your body needs a fix. He gives you major licking like guilty dick, and fucks you like guilty dick. Only thing is, you do not have a man so you're not feeling guilty. Whenever you call, this dick is ready. Dial-a-Dick. His dick craves your pussy always. This dick is available in any place at anytime.

8. THE :OH MY GO; DICK:
Ladies, now this is dick that will definitely send you to hell if you're not married to it. This dick is just like pleasurable and guilty dick. His dick is anywhere from 15 to 20cm long and has the circumference of the old five rand coin. This DICK makes you numb, literally, makes you cry and pray all at the same time. While he is giving it doggy style, you look towards the heavens and silently say, "OH MY GOD THIS IS SOME GOOD DICK!"

9. MAKOYA DICK
This is the gold mine of dicks!!! This dick is the dick that you commit yourself to. You do not cheat on it, and you keep it a well kept secret. In fact you constantly crave and feign for this dick. When you get this dick, you go into convulsions. This is the dick that makes you ever-ready!!! You will call in sick for work for this dick. This dick is so good, it is overwhelmed dick, pleasurable dick, guilty dick and 1the oh my god2 dick ... ALL IN ONE. This is the dick you want to put insurance on just in case anything should happen to it. This dick makes you stutter while speaking of it and has you nervous for no fathomable reason!!!!

SO WHAT DICK ARE YOU GETTING GIRL?